Some silly fluff with Janus, Ilium, and boxers of dubious providence.
Ilium: It's open!
Janus: Hey, did you know that there's a box for you outside your door?
Ilium: Yes, I know. I'm ignoring it.
Janus: ...Ignoring it?
Ilium: Look, every year for Valentine's Day my mom sends me something really embarrassing.
Janus: ...How embarrassing are we talking, here?
Ilium: Trust me, you don't want to get involved.
Janus: Come on, at least open the card.
Ilium: No way am I going to be a party to this.
Janus: I'll open it, then.
Ilium: Don't blame me when you're sorry later.
Janus: "Dear Ilium, Happy Valentine's Day! Love, Mom."
Ilium: Deceptively bland. She's trying to lure me into complacency.
Janus: Oh, it's not bad. I thought you and your Mom were really close.
Ilium: We are! It's just that on days like today I sorta wish we weren't.
Janus: Now for the box.
Ilium: Here it comes. St. Justicia give us strength to endure.
Janus: Shut it. Your Valentine's Day present is....!
Janus: ....Bright pink boxer shorts with hearts all over them.
Ilium: Mooooooooooooom! Ugh, God.
Janus: They're very fetching.
Ilium: My gun's over there. Can you shoot me with it? Please?
Janus: Nice comfy cotton.
Ilium: Seriously, can you even begin to picture me wearing these?
Janus: No. But if she bought them for you, your mom probably did.
Ilium: See that's what I mean don't say that!
Ilium: Just do me a favor and get rid of them.
Janus: Oh, all right. But it's the thought that counts, you know.
Ilium: I know. And it's the thought that I'd rather not think about.
Ilium: Here it is, white lie time.
Ilium: Hi, mom! No, yeah, I got it. Yeah! They're great. Really cute.
Ilium: No, it's all right, I think they'll fit.... just.. fine.... um.
Ilium: Sorry mom can I call you back later thanks 'kay bye. *beep* JANUS.
Janus: I don't know about the 'fitting fine' bit, I think they're a little snug on me.
Ilium: Hmph! You're a real jerk, you know that?
Janus: What? You weren't going to use them.
Ilium: Yeah, well, they look better on you, anyway.
Janus: Now you're seeing reason. I forgot to mention, I came over to ask if you wanted to go out tonight.
Ilium: Actually... I think I'd rather stay in.
Janus: Hm! Smart boy.
Ilium: I suppose I have to thank my mom now, huh?
Janus: Well, maybe not right this very instant.
Ilium: Happy Valentine's Day, Janus.
Janus: ...And I daresay it's improving by the second.